The Year that WAS

I want to come up with my new (2017) New Year's word. But I haven't. I want to write down my intentions for the new year...but I'm blocked. I thought I would get inspiration from looking back at the 2016 New Year. You know I like to do a "re-cap" on a postcard of some of the best moments each year. {See:  New Year's Eve 2015 }

Let’s just say 2016 was no 2015.

Here's what I wrote about 2015:


So, what about 2016? I started out the year with good intentions. You know what they say about good intentions...they make an a$$ out of you and me. Oh, did I mix my metaphors? Well, you know what I mean.

In January I treated myself to a month of private sessions with the perfect Yogi. She was exactly who I needed to help me. 

I still went to my yoga studio regularly, minus one day a week. 

The private yoga was good for me to step out of my comfort zone. You know, the whole point is for the teacher to give feedback and help you into the poses for the most benefit and with the least chance of injury. But that means I actually had to be vulnerable enough to be seen. That may sound like nothing, but it is NOT nothing. 

I was also very worried in January. I felt guilty for indulging in private yoga. Money was tight and time was tight. This was time I wasn't working or being with my husband.

That may sound very 1950s, but, I knew on some visceral level that my husband was not well. 

I don't want the year to be defined as the year of JM's diagnosis. But, there is no denying that finding out was wrong and trying to find treatment took up almost all of my conscious moments.

I am not satisfied that I have done enough to get the right treatment. Here we are, seven months later and I'm not settled on the right course of action. 

By July I realized I could not  keep up. It has become more important to JM that I be home in the evenings...which means it's more important to me. Confusion and a sad feeling of being lost and alone sets in when the sun goes down. If I'm home before sunset he does not have to experience that feeling. 

We also obtained a service dog. It never ever occurred to me that this would not be the panacea.  The challenges that we have experienced never entered my mind. 

Well...needless to say, there are challenges. 

Even so, there are moments of serendipity and pure happiness.



One of the things I pondered in early 2015 that still make me smile. I call it the INFJ dilemma: 

That is so me!  Although, I've been working on it.


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