Easy

by - June 29, 2015

Yesterday I had sort of an epiphany. It happened while I was driving and when it happened I was like "Ahhh. I need to write about this." I felt sagely wise for a moment. I sort of knew as I tried to hang onto the thought that it would likely fade. It has been more than 24 hours since this moment of lucidity occurred, so we will see if I can re-capture the gist of it. 

Setting the Stage
It all comes back to yoga, sort of. Over the past month I've woken up naturally at my "usual" time on Saturday. I've used that as a motivation to get moving early and I've been going to the 8:00 yoga class. It's pretty amazing that I've been able to do that. I can't get anywhere at 8:00...but somehow I've been getting to yoga.

Yesterday was an exception. I slept in. Not because I willed myself to stay in bed but because I was asleep like a rock. I didn't hear my normal clock alarm. I didn't hear my dog asking to go outside. Nothing...just sleep. It was pretty nice and I must have needed it.

When I did get up, Jordan and I went out for a late breakfast and it was a nice slow relaxing Saturday. The only thing on my agenda was a 7:00 Girl's Night Out with "my girls". I love those! At around 3:00 I'm thinking, I need to decide what I'm going to do before getting ready for the evening out on the town. Did I want a nap? If so, I had better get started on the zzz's. But, I decided to check to see if my back up yoga studio had a class that would work for me. They did, and it started in 30 minutes. That is usually how long it takes to get there. If I decided to go I knew I was cutting it close.

For a moment I sat there evaluating the likelihood of making it there before the doors were locked. If it was clear that I couldn't make it, I wouldn't attempt it. But it wasn't clear. It was possible I would make it. It was equally possible that I wouldn't. What was clear was that if I didn't get moving, like immediately, that I would eliminate any chance of making it.

Act II
I made my superman like change into the yoga outfit (cute...not). And left for the class. I'm driving and it's all going smoothly. I'm hitting all green lights and I'm thinking: "Yeah...I'm gonna make it."

Just as soon as I acknowledged that I was excited to be able to "make it", a thunderstorm dropped out of the sky! As if from no where! The kind where you can't see and you hope the cars behind you can see you.

So then I'm thinking....I don't know if I'm going to make it. I even say to myself: "I don't know if I'm going to make it," and I heard myself whisper back, "Just keep going."

That's it. That's the epiphany: "Just keep going."

Just Keep Going
This was an interesting mind shift for me. I was choosing to "just keep going" even though there was a very strong likelihood that I would not make it in time. I can't remember a time when I consciously chose to RISK wasting my time. 

Time is a big deal to me. I covet time. I'm jealous of my time, especially my me time. So, here I was just "keeping going".

It was a nice relief that I felt. A calm mind like I get after yoga. And I thought for a moment: "Yes...that's what I'm supposed to do. Just keep going. Even when I don't know if my expectations will be met." 

There's a certain faith that comes with that idea. Faith that "It's going to be okay." I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not allowing my doubt to make me deviate from the act of trying to go to yoga. And...if I abandoned the trek to get there, I would never know if I could have made it. The ONLY way to know was to "Just Keep Going."  See? Sagely!

And because I was all zen in the car I thought this applies to my faith in God. And it reminds me of Kierkegaard's "Fear and Trembling". The moving forward even when your "not quite sure" that you got the message/instructions right. You know? You're pretty sure...but there's always that chance that what you thought was a "Go West" instruction could have been a "Go Rest" edict. 

When I think I'm going in the right direction but I'm not seeing results I start to second guess the "rightness" of what I'm doing. 

Yesterday, for those few moments in the car, I was open to being "wrong". Knowing that if I was too late for the class it was not the end of the world. And somehow knowing that "just keep going" was a sort of practice for me. That I don't have to know if it's going to "work out". It's absolutely OKAY for me to pursue futileness. 

And so, I drove on. 

Epilogue

I made it to yoga.  

Here's a little note about hot yoga: It's 105*F and 40% humidity.

Hope your weekend was Easy Like Sunday Morning. Mine was. And yet it was also so much more.

~Kimberly

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