Monday, June 29, 2015

Easy

Yesterday I had sort of an epiphany. It happened while I was driving and when it happened I was like "Ahhh. I need to write about this." I felt sagely wise for a moment. I sort of knew as I tried to hang onto the thought that it would likely fade. It has been more than 24 hours since this moment of lucidity occurred, so we will see if I can re-capture the gist of it. 

Setting the Stage
It all comes back to yoga, sort of. Over the past month I've woken up naturally at my "usual" time on Saturday. I've used that as a motivation to get moving early and I've been going to the 8:00 yoga class. It's pretty amazing that I've been able to do that. I can't get anywhere at 8:00...but somehow I've been getting to yoga.

Yesterday was an exception. I slept in. Not because I willed myself to stay in bed but because I was asleep like a rock. I didn't hear my normal clock alarm. I didn't hear my dog asking to go outside. Nothing...just sleep. It was pretty nice and I must have needed it.

When I did get up, Jordan and I went out for a late breakfast and it was a nice slow relaxing Saturday. The only thing on my agenda was a 7:00 Girl's Night Out with "my girls". I love those! At around 3:00 I'm thinking, I need to decide what I'm going to do before getting ready for the evening out on the town. Did I want a nap? If so, I had better get started on the zzz's. But, I decided to check to see if my back up yoga studio had a class that would work for me. They did, and it started in 30 minutes. That is usually how long it takes to get there. If I decided to go I knew I was cutting it close.

For a moment I sat there evaluating the likelihood of making it there before the doors were locked. If it was clear that I couldn't make it, I wouldn't attempt it. But it wasn't clear. It was possible I would make it. It was equally possible that I wouldn't. What was clear was that if I didn't get moving, like immediately, that I would eliminate any chance of making it.

Act II
I made my superman like change into the yoga outfit (cute...not). And left for the class. I'm driving and it's all going smoothly. I'm hitting all green lights and I'm thinking: "Yeah...I'm gonna make it."

Just as soon as I acknowledged that I was excited to be able to "make it", a thunderstorm dropped out of the sky! As if from no where! The kind where you can't see and you hope the cars behind you can see you.

So then I'm thinking....I don't know if I'm going to make it. I even say to myself: "I don't know if I'm going to make it," and I heard myself whisper back, "Just keep going."

That's it. That's the epiphany: "Just keep going."

Just Keep Going
This was an interesting mind shift for me. I was choosing to "just keep going" even though there was a very strong likelihood that I would not make it in time. I can't remember a time when I consciously chose to RISK wasting my time. 

Time is a big deal to me. I covet time. I'm jealous of my time, especially my me time. So, here I was just "keeping going".

It was a nice relief that I felt. A calm mind like I get after yoga. And I thought for a moment: "Yes...that's what I'm supposed to do. Just keep going. Even when I don't know if my expectations will be met." 

There's a certain faith that comes with that idea. Faith that "It's going to be okay." I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not allowing my doubt to make me deviate from the act of trying to go to yoga. And...if I abandoned the trek to get there, I would never know if I could have made it. The ONLY way to know was to "Just Keep Going."  See? Sagely!

And because I was all zen in the car I thought this applies to my faith in God. And it reminds me of Kierkegaard's "Fear and Trembling". The moving forward even when your "not quite sure" that you got the message/instructions right. You know? You're pretty sure...but there's always that chance that what you thought was a "Go West" instruction could have been a "Go Rest" edict. 

When I think I'm going in the right direction but I'm not seeing results I start to second guess the "rightness" of what I'm doing. 

Yesterday, for those few moments in the car, I was open to being "wrong". Knowing that if I was too late for the class it was not the end of the world. And somehow knowing that "just keep going" was a sort of practice for me. That I don't have to know if it's going to "work out". It's absolutely OKAY for me to pursue futileness. 

And so, I drove on. 

Epilogue

I made it to yoga.  

Here's a little note about hot yoga: It's 105*F and 40% humidity.

Hope your weekend was Easy Like Sunday Morning. Mine was. And yet it was also so much more.

~Kimberly

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Inspiration

I've been deepening my yoga practice...by that I mean that I've been going to the yoga studio. Last week I spent seven hours in yoga. I feel so much happier after a hot yoga session. 

I oscillate between simply owning and loving my workout practice and falling into the results driven obsession. Today, before going to yoga, I felt a little discouraged. I haven't weighed myself for almost six weeks until today. I wanted to focus on the "process" of getting healthy/ more fit. My thought was if I commit to doing "the right things" the "right" results will follow. So, I decided that today would be my "check-in" day. 

My result was that my weight is exactly the same weight as it was six weeks ago. I was disappointed because I know I've made changes in my body. My legs are stronger, my arms are getting a stronger. I feel like my body is responding to the workouts.  But the scales verified what I suspected...that my weight has not moved. 

So, I wanted to pout just a little. "Look at me...I'm working so hard and...nothing". These are my thoughts.  

Then my optimistic voice (sometimes annoyingly optimistic) tried to remind me of things that I usually believe to be true, such as:
*Health / Fitness is measured in a variety of ways. The scale cannot be the only measurement that counts.*
--See...annoyingly optimistic.

But it doesn't matter what my emotions are about the results. --That sounds like someone who just finished a yoga session. My teachers encourage us to "notice your thoughts...but let them go."

Tonight my teacher read this wonderful quote (below) that gave me the opportunity to focus my thoughts on something uplifting. This quote spoke to me.

This quote is from Williamson's book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles.  There is more to the thought that I've included below. 
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 
We are all meant to shine... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
The quote doesn't exactly tie into what I've been talking about. But it does give me something to hang on to. 

Hope you are getting ready for a fun weekend.

~Kimberly

Thursday, June 11, 2015

What I've Been Reading

I mentioned in my Cruise Thoughts post that I spent some time reading a book on the ship. I spent one of the late afternoons on the "secret deck" with a view of Cozumel and of the ocean with the nicest breeze. It was bliss. 

I finally read Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? I really can't explain how/why it took me so long to get this book. I knew I wanted to read it as soon as it hit the stores. [How in the world did it take me four years?]

Spoiler Alert: I loved the book.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Cruise Thoughts {Last One}

One thing I've never heard anyone tell you about a cruise is: If you have an interior room, like we did, when you turn off the lights it is completely dark. Completely! 

What I learned from this is that a perfectly dark room makes for the BEST sleeping. 

I should mention that by day two I was feeling the fatigue of travel. After all, just two days before we were at the airport at the unreasonable hour of 4:00 in the morning. 

Interestingly, I was up and out before 8:00 a.m. each morning. That must happen when you have the best sleep in a perfectly dark room.  That, and the promise of a hot breakfast in the dining room. 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

HGTV Inspiration Plus: I've Designed Two Rooms

Last night I sort of binged watched "Love It or List It" on HGTV. I just love a good reveal. I'm especially focused on the show because this season is filmed in the Triangle, NC. One of my friends saw them filming a home in her neighborhood. 

Do you ever do that? I like when the show is in Seattle too. I'm always trying to see  if I can recognize the neighborhood. Seattle neighborhoods area are unique and more easily recognizable. 

I've seen several of the local NC shows. I haven't been able to recognize the neighborhoods, which I think is by design. But I have recognized the skylines and the restaurants and bars where the homeowners meet with Hilary and David. That's fun.

The HGTV watching is very inspiring. I'm sure I'm late to this, but this weekend I discovered a new obsession:  Olioboard. It's fun. I "designed" two rooms. I'm pretty proud of my work. One thing I loved is that I can design and "see" a room without having to do any of the real work.   
Playing with Olioboard is sort of like looking through decorating magazines or retail catalogues and cutting out photos for inspiration. When I was young I used to spend lots of time with the Sears Wish Book, cutting out things that I wanted. Olioboard is like a grown up, electronic version of cutting out pictures from the Sears catalogue.

It might be a little addicting. 

Until next time!

~Kimberly




















Monday, June 8, 2015

Cruise Thoughts {# 3}

Here is a pic of the boat I took while waiting in line for food. I have to tell you that the shear size of the vessel is quite impressive. It's like a small city on the boat. There are retail shops (pricey), and bars and a casino and restaurants and a spa. They have medical personnel there somewhere too. 

The sliding doors going inside from the decks actually made a little "swoosh" sound when you entered. At least that is my memory of them.



At one point I thought, "Hey, this is just like being on the Star Ship Enterprise". I mean yeah, you are isolated in the middle of the sea (instead of in the middle of space) and yet, anything you can think of is still available.
Anything except good bottled water. Which is really what I needed to drink in the hot sun. I was struck by the fact that "free" unlimited tea and lemonade was available. For an extra few $$ you could also buy a "Bubbles" package which is unlimited soda.

IMG 2368 SnapseedBut water? That you had to pay for every single time. When I got to our room there was a lovely large water sitting out for us and I was impressed at the hospitality of complimentary water in the room. --You may see where this is going…after I opened and drank some of the water I saw the $16 price tag. Oops.

IMG 2372 Snapseed
Snorkelers just popped up!
The bottled water tasted terrible. I believe the endless caffeinated drinks is part of "the plan." Since your thirst is not getting quenched a $7 slushy daiquiri looks like a mirage. A cold, refreshing delicious mirage. Yeah, I figured it out.

Me? I drank my single $16 bottle of water and lots and lots of lemonade.

Our first port of call was Key West and it was a lovely day for a beach wedding. 
IMG 2280 Snapseed
Our return time to the ship was 2:00 which did not leave enough time to explore. But I did snap these two pictures to get a flavor for the island. 

IMG 2384 Snapseed 
I'm glad I got to spend a little time at Key West. I can see myself going back.  I still need to see the six toed cats. 

~Kimberly

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Cruise Thoughts {# 2}

I haven't told you quite enough about the cruise. Oh I know I shared some first impressions but the trip needs more than that.

In addition to being a wedding celebration, it the trip was a family gathering of sorts, two families really. I am not a member of either family. The Bride and Groom families came from New Mexico and Detroit meeting each other for the first time on the cruise. Danielle knows both the Bride and Groom and by extension knows the Mother of the Bride and the Bride's brother. 

Two Bridesmaids came in from New Mexico and the first night on the boat was the first time Danielle met them. Groomsmen came in from Detroit. No single person knew everyone until the first night. I was the only one that didn't know anyone. 

And yet...I felt as if I knew the Bride for a year and the Groom for slightly less than that. Danielle and K. have a special bond, one that grew out of being in their early twenties and making their way in a new city on their own.

By extension, I felt like I knew K. before I even met her. And when I did meet her we embraced (and squealed a little). It was genuine affection that we both already had for each other.  Meeting the Groom felt much the same. It felt perfectly natural to be attending their wedding. 

For me, the trip was a really rich combination of activity balanced with my personal requirements for alone time. We all had dinner together in the dining room on the first two nights. I will tell you dinner was always lovely. 

Sunset on the First Night of the Cruise
After dinner the group splintered into smaller groups. By the end of dinner I craved time to myself. One thing about me and "time to myself" is that I don't have to be alone or isolated to achieve the "me time". Maybe this is true for lots of people. I can spend and afternoon alone with a book on my front porch or I can be on a beach chair in the middle of the pool deck (actually not the middle, but you get what I'm saying). I can feel as refreshed on the pool deck as on my own private porch. I guess what I'm saying is I can achieve my bliss of alone time even when I'm not literally alone. 

I also enjoy mixing in and out of the "party". One night I went to the much hyped musical production in the theater. As far as I could gather there was no intermission and the show didn't captivate me enough to stay. So I quietly left. When you are there alone you can do that with no fuss. 

Not ready to end my night out and about I looked for (and found) the karaoke bar. I knew this was what the younger crowd was planning to do and I happened to come in while they were there. So I spent time with the group until the karaoke was over. That's what I mean by mixing in and out of the party.

That is all for now. I will share the rest of my Cruise Thoughts next time.

~Kimberly


Saturday, June 6, 2015

National Donut Day

Yesterday was Donut Day!! And Jordan and I got a box of donuts to celebrate. I have a weakness for donuts. I have a similar weakness for cookies (not the packaged kind) and cupcakes. Sometimes I'll be watching TV and I realize, "You know what? I really want a donut." I don't remember ever having a similar out of the blue desire for cookies. Though if someone has cookies or says the word cookies I will definitely want one.  {Favorites: Chocolate Chip and Snickerdoodle} 

One night this week when I came home Jordan was finishing a serving of ice cream. As soon as I saw it I wanted it. --Are we seeing a trend? Anyway, he gave me the last two bites of the ice cream. It was vanilla with chocolate covered almonds. --So good. I must have lingered over the empty ice cream bowl too long. "We have more," Jordan told me, "just there...in the freezer." I made a mental note and planned to have a decadent ice cream snack later. By the time I was ready for my dairy delight, I was also equally ready for bed. Knowing that the ice cream will be just as good tomorrow or even the next night (or whenever), I had no qualms about delaying my date with ice cream.

But donuts? I don't have to see them to want them. It's my first thought when someone says "we should get something sweet." 

In honor of Donut Day, Jordan got us a box of donuts. We have enough to last the entire weekend. They were good last night and also this morning. Tomorrow they will likely need a little warm up in the microwave to melt the sugar and re-soften the yeasty goodness. I already know that when I put the warm sugary donut in my mouth it will be just as good the first day.

It's no secret I'm working on getting my body into shape. --Well, actually, if you went just by looking at me, it may be a secret.  But I'm proud to say went to four yoga classes this week, including one at 8:00 this morning. I'm not as proud to say that I had a donut in my mouth as I walked to the car to go to yoga. Everything in moderation, right?
Kelly Kapoor-The Office

The quote at the top is one of mine. Yes...I'm quotable. You can quote me.

Have a fun weekend!