Keeping It Real

I've been off-line since Tuesday. I've been cranky. I didn't want to write/blog in my cranky mood. Actually, I'm being too nice when I say I've been cranky. I've been sullen. Maybe that is a better world. Yes, I believe that is a more honest description of what I have been. I hesitate to write when I'm  this way. I hesitate to write because of several reasons:


I want this to be a place for fun. And I hope it is {sometimes, at least} funny. I'm completely okay with biting humor. I don't want this to be simply a venting venue. That's almost too easy.



Interestingly, I'm not the on person that struggles with trying navigating this boundary. I participated in the #blogsmarts twitter party yesterday. For me, the answer to "biggest" {blogging} struggle question revolves around this.

I mean, I love to read other blogs...and I enjoy being allowed to see a little snippet of the blogger's life...but I'm not under an illusion that the blog showcases the entire life. After all, a blog is not a diary.

There's a balance....no sharing and as a reader, I feel cheated. I want to know something about the writer (blog or otherwise). I want to feel some connection. 

But, too much sharing can be a turn-off. We all have problems...some are so much greater than mine, that I run the risk of sounding like I'm whining in comparison. 


Some things that make me unhappy are directly related to if I feel mistreated by others. {By people that know me in real life.} My blog is not a secret, so I have to assume that anyone I know may read it. So...in case anyone that knows me IS reading this...I say: "Words and tone can definitely be hurtful". Some people enjoy a good sparring...but I doubt they would like their loved ones spoken to in a similar manner. Or...maybe they speak to their loved ones this way...in which case I am the LUCKY ONE.

It is difficult to pretend that I sleep easily when I feel mistreated. I don't. I really, really don't. When I was younger, I comforted myself by thinking that when people mistreated others their sleep would be restless. Now, sadly, I doubt it. Certainly, they know that they are hurting someone with their words while they are saying them. I no longer believe that they "had no idea that I took it that way" or took it "personally".  FYI, if you are saying something rude or cruel to someone it IS personal.

I suppose there is some comfort there. Perhaps their rational / non-personal reasoning simply proves to be lacking so they resort to "making it personal". To that, I say:  "Not nice, people...not nice!"



I don't want anyone that reads this to think I'm referring to them when I say "not nice". Truly, those that have been unkind would have no reason to read this.

I decided to share this because I suspect many of us have felt similarly. I will have to say my prayers extra carefully tonight to be sure that I have not willfully hurt someone in a similar manner. And, I will pray for strength as I continue to return to the scene of battle...because I must return.

My next post will be much happier...I promise.

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8 comments:

  1. Kimberly ...... HUGS!!!!! While I can only guess what is going on, thinking about you! I too have been hurt (by family), and don't talk about, try not to think about it. And it does hurt (still). We all have these things inside I think that we don't let anyone see. I hope your week looks up!!!

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    1. Thanks so much for your sweet thoughts. So far this week is a lot better. (I'm keeping my head down. :) )

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  2. Kimberly, it is difficult to understand how anyone could be unkind to someone as kind as you! You have such a joyful spirit and you make others smile everyday! I can only imagine that the people that are mistreating you are so frustrated and unhappy with their lives that they are unable to see beyond their own dark outlook and appreciate your many gifts and talents. You must not let them bring you down. Do your best to maintain a happy outlook and perhaps they will eventually learn how to follow your example. Focus on the positive things in your life and remember that there are many, many people that love and respect you for the very special person that you are!

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    1. Hi Love! I agree with you...I never understand why anyone would have a problem with me. :) Thanks for your encouragement.

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  3. Yeaaaaahhhhh about that overshare....
    I read everywhere that what I write shouldn't be on a blog, no one wants to read it.
    But, its my place. End of story. I give kudos to people that are able to leave the negative out of their blog space.
    Either way, I love ya and Love reading you. )

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    1. You just made my night. Right back at ya. :)

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  4. Great post. I really connected to alot of this. One thing I struggle with is that I want to share more of my personal side of me and I find it hard because of how my website is set up so for that reason, I created a section in it called "Personal Notes". I'm not sure if that satisfies my purpose or not. I still feel like I cheat the readers out of being able to personally connect. Any ideas?

    Irish

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    1. I'm so glad you connected with this post. It was a hard one for me...but I felt I couldn't move on with blogging until I got it out there. The "stuff" that I was feeling was just bottled there....and it tainted my "regular" posting. Once I got it out there...I felt so much better. I think the fact that I kept personal identities and specifics "cloaked" in the post allowed me to sort of explore the "deeper" piece of what I was feeling. I think if I had written a post that "so and so" was mean to me that I would not have had the type of catharsis that I ended up having.

      I checked out your "Personal Notes" and I connected to it.:)

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